Back Where I Started

The butterfly is one of the most emblematic totem animals symbolizing personal transformation. If you see the butterfly as your spirit animal, pay attention to the areas in your life or personality that are in need of profound change or transformation. As a symbol of beauty, expansion, and growth, the butterfly also embodies the ability to go through important changes with grace and lightness.

Hmmm…I am going through profound change at the moment. We done packed up our apartment and bid adieu to NYC after 12 years. We’re Audi 500. We’re back in San Francisco.

I was born and raised in San Jose, but after high school, I came up to San Francisco in 1988 and didn’t leave til 2005 for London. The late 80s, all of the 90s and the early 2000s in SF is where you could say I grew up. Good times, bad times. It was a time where it all went down, honey. It was totally scrappy. We were totally poor, going to school, working, going out, gay, queer, friends, boyfriends, the break-ups, the bad break-ups (on my part), the late night lou-lous, going to the End Up on a Sunday morning, roommates, $235 for a room in the Haight, having no health insurance. It was fabulous. I’m getting nostalgic. I’m not saying it’s not fabulous now (up for debate), but I’m 49, happily married, have a 3-year son, and 7-year mini poodle. It’s done. A big story is done. I’m back, back to the Bay, back to SF, and better than ever, just with a few more pounds, wrinkles, and gray hair. My man got a great job in SF,  my family is scattered all over the Bay Area, my man comes from Portland, Oregon, we have a kid, a poodle, it’s a win-win situation. It’s time to come back to where it all started.

In NYC I was given an opportunity to study and teach yoga. I’ve been practicing since my late teens, but I never thought about teaching it. When I was offered the opportunity to teach in 2007, I didn’t think twice about it. I jumped on it and never looked back.

I love being a yoga teacher. The longer I teach, the more I want to learn. Does that make sense? I know very little about this spiritual practice. I’m always in awe of the teaching. When I share in class what I’m studying or have studied, I’ve discovered I learn so much about me. There so much more to study and learn. In one sense, I’m at the beginning of my yoga teaching career. If there is one thing that I have learned through teaching, it is there is always constant change. What was safe and appropriate for me at 29, for whatever reason right now, may not be safe or appropriate at 49. Everything changes. I’m constantly changing, just like everything else in the universe. I’m having a major butterfly moment.

Note to self: moved to SF 2 weeks or so ago, have temporary housing, looking for our own pad, get Gus (my 3-year-old son) and Leo (my 7-year-old mini poodle) settled with a CA routine (they basically are now), daycare for Gus, and then focus on teaching. Need some more time to work on the housing, but when that’s all said and done (I think it will be soon), I’m back to teaching. Where and when, don’t know as yet, but when I’m ready to roll, you’ll be the first to know.

This should be interesting. I’m a different person now. In its root, I’m the same, but there’s a lot that is different. A lot has happened since I left SF in 2005. Let’s see how this translates to my yoga, my teaching, and my life. As Heidi Klume would say on Project Runway, “Watch what whappens!”